Old Tricks and Random Thoughs

Well, I did set up a writing spreadsheet on Sunday. I haven't filled any of it out yet as a lovely (not!) cold front blew into San Antonio and has my joints creaking in agony. Needless to say my energy levels are low and I'm barely able to move after sitting for any length of time. But I did figure out a start to my novel- right in the middle of the action. Actually, I'm starting with a line I came up with a few years back: She was slammed into consciousness.

I think that might have been why I was having such trouble getting started over this winter- not enough daylight or heat. I started walking Darcy in the early morning and it's always been dark unless we get up late. I've never really felt affected by a lack of daylight but I was just thinking about that this evening on my walk and I realized that I was really missing sunlight and heat.

Anyway, tomorrow's my Friday work-wise and it's also payday though my money's out the door by Friday. But I am taking $20 and buying a programmable coffee maker. I do not like waiting for a cup of coffee to make and also I can use my bean grinder again. We have a Keurig and I think the damn thing is way overrated- my roommate tried using fresh-ground coffee and it kept exploding. I wasn't willing to waste good ground so I've been without since before Christmas. The Keurig is nice if you want a single cup of coffee but I have a two-cup-a-day habit I will not give up.

So hopefully with the warming weather my energy levels will go up and I'll be able to get my writing show on the road.

Things I Do, and Things I Want to Do

If you look on this blog so far you can kind of see a pattern in terms of things I do and things I want to do.

The things I do every day or think about every day are:
- my job
- my dog
- my weight loss (though I don't think about this one too much as walking every day and eating three meals a day are automatic for me now)
- my reading (finished both books I started a week ago: I read one on my Kindle at work and one at home in paperback before I go to bed at night)

The things I want to do are:
- Write every day (and more than just this blog)
- Go back to school and get my degree

The 'write every day' bit is not to get paralyzed by the fact that I'm having trouble focusing on writing itself. This blog is going okay for me right now because I have a limited space and can confine myself to one page at a time. My writing projects on the other hand are more than one page and for some bonkers reason that's pinching me in the throat and pulling me back from doing any work on them.

So what do I do about that?

Move the 'write every day' into the 'Things I Do list and out of the 'Things I Want to Do' list.

The things I do:
- my job
- my dog
- my weight loss (though I don't think about this one too much as walking every day and eating three meals a day are automatic for me now)
- my reading (finished both books I started a week ago: I read one on my Kindle at work and one at home in paperback before I go to bed at night)
- Write every day.

There. I did it. Now, what to do write every day? It seems like I every time I set up a plan or a schedule it goes to hell in a basket as soon as the pencil led settles on the paper (I write mostly with mechanical pencils because pens always run out of ink for me). It seems that I can come up with ideas just fine- it's just fleshing them out that's the problem.

How did I do it before then? I actually had a spreadsheet I used to track what project I was working on and the daily word count. For me it was like seeing that I was making progress on a project and seeing what days were good for me in terms of word count kept me working, like a schedule or progress chart. It also showed me what goals were realistic for me. So add that to the To Do List for today: set up writing spreadsheet.

Finally, I think another thing that's hindered me with the writing is that the ideas I come up with are what I'm calling 'books'. My first thought when I think of writing a book is 50,000+ words. Trust me, that's a lot of words. But I know I know I don't have to use that as my word count every single time. These new ideas are probably better in a shorter format though if they hit the 50k mark that's fine, too.

Still the Same Old Me

I read this article and I almost wanted to say in response: a new body does not equal a new body mind and soul. It's like when people ask how my weight loss has changed me (in the last year I've lost close to a hundred pounds and am still losing). In reply, on the outside a lot but on the inside it's still the same old me.

Now another thing I differ with on this article is that as a fat person I didn't engage in heavy self-hatred of my body. I had just given up on it years and years ago. I had resigned myself to being heavy and that never changing. Had I tried diet and exercise? I have scoliosis so I've always been afraid of doing anything that would wreck what is already a pretty bad back to begin with. Second, I barely ate and was never a binge eater so food wasn't my problem either. It was just a resignation with a side dish of just not caring. In reality I always thought I'd be the shy and quiet fat girl who'd just cruise quietly through life. I still feel like that most of the time but as I lose the next hundred pounds the fat part won't apply.

You see, my looks have never been something I've been known for (except as the fat girl who did get teased and taunted for it- but that ended around junior high so no major scarring there). I've never been comfortable with being noticed or having attention on me because of some negative experiences and also because terribly shy and very self-conscious and nervous inside. It's a major trial for me to speak up and draw attention to myself though I also tell myself I'm not a bad person and if no one wanted to hear from me they would let me know. I've been blessed to have many wonderful people in my life both family and friends who have been supportive and encouraging of what I have done. I've learned to cut negative people out of my life and continue to do so to this day. Being around more positive than negative people has really helped me start to take those baby steps out of my shy shell (and trust me, these are snail-size baby steps).

So when I reach my goal weight and am not seen as a fat girl how will I react to the attention, especially from guys? With more than a little irony because I'll just be thinking that I'm still the same person on the inside. I'm not saying that guys are shallow but trust me, fat girls, like girls who wear glasses, are pretty much invisible in the dating game. So if my looks draw somebody to me I'll be flattered with the attention but trust me, it won't go to my head. I may not be as quiet and shy in the future but trust me I won't forget what it's like to be on the outside looking in.

No Such Thing As a Bad Dog

This is a good article that is oh-so-true about dogs: http://www.petside.com/article/bad-dog-myth

Two months ago I thought I was the worst dog owner in the world but now I realize I was just weak-willed and uninformed. My intentions were always good and I would have never given up on my Darcy. It must be nuts for trainers to see owners who won't do their share and I can't begin to imagine what the shelter and rescue group people must do to keep their mouths shut when they take these poor dogs in. With my two trainers I have given them my undivided attention and listened closely, especially with my second trainer now. My second trainer has the patience of a saint and is incredibly informative and encouraging. In the last month since I've had Darcy in private lessons I've learned so much and feel so much better as a dog owner. And Darcy's behavior has improved greatly and a lot of people have begun to notice.

I don't like to judge people but when I got my Darcy I was under the now-ridiculous impression that all dog owners knew what they were doing. Sadly there are those that don't. I don't like the ones who leave their dogs outside all alone to get bored and lonely so they bark at everything or just sit there all lifeless and sad. I see this in the apartment complex I live in- there's this one puppy Darcy and I see almost every evening and I just have to be nice when in reality I just want to take the dog in and love on him. Second, there's this lady who lets her dog outside without a leash and he wanders all over the place before coming back to her. In an apartment complex you don't let your dog off leash becuase of the cars that race through the place and also there is a rule that dogs have to be on leash outside at all times. Then this evening we met a 4-month old boxer mix whose owner seems to be more than a little frustrated. She had her kid with her so I didn't come down too hard because I didn't want to upset the kid. But in reality I really wanted to tell her to get the bug out of her ass, let the dog sniff and explore, and not to use any harsh or corporal punishment with the dog. With a dog that young you want to let them burn off their energy and play with them before trying to teach commands. I just encouraged her to get the dog into training and maybe go to a pinch collar since the harness didn't seem to be working too well.

Like I said I'm far from perfect but there are teachable moments all the time. But even I get frustrated as like tonight- I'm trying to teach Darcy to wait before coming inside but it's a hard command to learn because she just wants to get inside and play with the other dog. I got frustrated and just gave in before remembering that my trainer said that if I get frustrated or my dog just isn't cooperating to stop and take a break. So I just let Darcy inside and took a break. Later I went back to work with her in my room on the 'wait' command to help get it into our repatoire.

In the article the trainer mentioned a lack of exercise for dogs. That's a huge problem for a lot of dogs, especially high-energy breeds. I used to walk Darcy just once a day but when I added a second walk in the morning that started to calm her down, too. In addition now I'm working with her inside for five to ten minutes a pop on basic commands and teaching new ones. She's smart and stubborn yes but more than willing to learn. And before we met the boxer-mix we had the tennis court to ourselves and it was a great opportunity to work with her outside where there are lots of distractions. I wish it was free every night but when it is free we're there.

Now Darcy's all chilled out after her bath (she gets the itchies and I use a medicated shampoo for her). Amazingly she likes baths though the shampoo I use for her is actually a calming one it seems. And when her fur starts to dry it's a little crimped like an 80's girl at the mall. (I tried to get a picture but it didn't come out too well.)

Writing Project - Darcy's Story

Right now I'm working on a non-fiction book I've tentatively titled 'Darcy's Story'. Two months ago I had to muzzle my Darcy when she's outside at the apartment complex I live in because she'd snapped her leash and went after another dog. That day ranks in the top-ten worst days of my life because I seriously thought I would have to give her up. I thought I was the absolute worst dog owner in the world for letting Darcy's aggressive behavior get out of control. I felt like a complete dumb-head because I hadn't trained my dog right. Thank God stubborn pride kicked in along with my roommate talking me down out of that tree because I dug my heels in and have been working with Darcy ever since.

The book is my way of sharing my story because I read somewhere (I still can't find the exact article) that over fifty percent of dogs are turned in to shelters and rescue groups due to behavior issues. The thing is, behavior issues are solvable problems. They involve a lot of training, constant work, and dedication to the end goal of having a well-behaved dog. My training with Darcy consists of reinforcing positive behaviors and correcting negative behaviors. It also involves lots of repetition, and lots of treats. But the result is a dog who is getting better at obeying every day and who gives me hope that she'll be the dog I know she is meant to be and that I can learn how to be a good and responsible dog owner.

Like right now for instance- she's sitting under my desk looking outside. She growls and barks at people and dogs and cats outside and I'm getting her not to. It's not just a loud 'no' but the better command of 'look at me'. Of course I have a treat in my hand but that's her incentive. Eventually she'll learn that she doesn't need to bark and alert me (especially in the middle of the night).

This is the kind of thing want to include in this book. Earlier I was working on the introduction and I'm sure a lot of it is going into the garbage as there's a lot of bitchiness to it right now. But this is just free writing until I get my traction and figure out exactly what I want to write and the tone I want for this book. I have a rough outline of the chapters and some bits and pieces of those.

So the goal this week is to get the introduction in some semblance of order and to edit out some of the bitchiness.

Drive By Monday

This is kind of a drive-by post as it's Monday and I have to go the salt mine where the phones will ring off the hook (Monday is the busiest day in a call center).

I got out of bed at 5:30 which is an improvement over my usual 6 or 6:30. I walked Darcy in the muggy dark with sprinklers all around and a resident stray cat slinking around. Amazingly Darcy did not bark at the cat. Of course I was moving her away from the cat and going 'leave it' all the while. Now if I can get her to look at a cat and not want to lunge at it or play with it that will be an accomplishment. At class on Saturday the trainer told me that when a dog approaches another dog (or cat or human) that they have one of two thoughts: 1) I want to meet you, and or 2) I want to eat you. The second seems to be Darcy's default sometimes and learning when she's thinking that is the next step in my training with her.

Yesterday at work I brought my big red zip binder and Alphasmart to work though I didn't work on any writing. I have some good notes in the binder but the tentative schedule I made for the writing went out the window last night. And now I realize why: I would love to work on my novel more but I think during the work week I'll work on the non-fiction projects with my days off reserved for said novel. It seems like my brain is okay with shorter times for non-fiction but not fiction.

I bought a new book for my Kindle this morning: The Long Way Home by Jessica Scott. It's the sequel to one my first Kindle purchases To Iraq and Back by Jessica Scott . To Iraq and Back is a collection of writing from the blog she kept while she was deployed to Iraq for a year. Ms. Scott is an Army officer, wife, and mother, and I read the blog when she was over there but it's great to read it all in one sitting. I've been looking forward to the sequel as coming home is nowhere near as easy as most people think. Also, her fiction books are most excellent also (she's an auto-buy for me now).

Well, back to the grind.

Fear This, and Write Anyway

This is the background on my computer right now.

 

I read this article on The Huffington Post Saturday and it's got me thinking about the last couple of days and how I've begun to realize I need to step out of my shell and do more with my life. Race Day (as I'm now calling Friday's day at the track) proved to me that I have a sense of adventure without fear.

So my realization is that if I approach doing something out of my comfort zone as an adventure I'll embrace it and do it to the max. Next question I have then is, can I apply this sense of adventure to my writing?

And my answer is a resounding yes. Now I've been writing since I was in my early teens and have had my ups and downs to say the least. I've been dutiful, fanciful, and lazy as all get out. I've had days where the words flew from my fingers and days where each one was pulled out of the muck. But never did I have any real fear until the last couple of years. Because it seems that when I got knocked off the tracks of my life (when my Dad had a stroke in 2009) I got rocked to my core. My writing, like a lot of other things in my life, got pushed to the wayside. And each time I went for it and tried to get back in the grove I haven't been able to.

This blog is the first time I've felt that grove become a possibility in my life. But the fear that I have with the writing is more of that it will take away from my life. Which is complete and utter bullshit as I have plenty of time and can make it happen like I did before. What I was thinking and feeling yesterday was that I should be doing something else. Tension and anxiety gripped me as I sat in front of the computer wanting to write but being paralyzed with anxiety and the awful feeling of writing not being a worthy activity.

Identifying fear is the first step in combating it. The fear I have is that if I sit down and write I'm taking away from someone else or something else I need to do. But the thing is I know I have a right to my time and time to write if I want to. And I want to because when I think about that writing grove I get a terrible craving for it. Not like a junkie craving but like a craving for a cup of coffee in the morning- a need almost.

So instead of writing being a burning need I'll approach it as an adventure. It'll be like sitting down at the computer and seeing which way the wind takes me. It'll be knowing that I can climb into the stock car of a book and grip the roll-cage bar as the writing-car takes off at a 110-miles an hour.

Bucket List Update

www.bucketlist.org

Found this site earlier today and here's the list I'm building: http://bucketlist.org/list/MicheleKS/

I've seen (or most of it anyway) the movie 'The Bucket List' with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman. A Bucket List a fun thing do as it gives you something to think about other than the routine and drudgery of daily life.

A couple of people asked me about the track day yesterday and if it was an item on my Bucket List. I didn't have a Bucket List yesterday but if I had this item would have been crossed off. I've added riding/driving in an Indy car and a riding/driving in a Forumla One car, too.

Another question I was asked was if I was scared. Not at all. Speed does not scare me nor does driving (except when some idiot tries to kill me on the road but that pisses me off more than anything). For me it's about trusting the car and the driver. When I'm driving I know what I'm capable of and with the professional I was with yesterday I got to see him drive first before I got in with him. As Jeremy Clarkson said in the 60 Minutes segment on Top Gear: "Speed's great. Speed works."

What I've seen with Bucket Lists so far is a combination places and things people want to see, do things that are out of the ordinary range of experiences, and for me some would be about facing fears. I'd like to set foot on a boat and be able to go below deck and I'd like to sail on a sailboat within site of land on a clear and sunny day (no, you will not get me on an ocean liner in the middle of the ocean unless the zombie apocalypse happened and it was the only way to escape the zombie horde).

Can a bucket list be seen as a list of goals? I think so in that it's something to put your mind to. I like lists and goals and plans. Not that I'm that great at keeping to them but I try.

Race Day - Cross Item Off Bucket List

I haven't really set up a bucket list yet but if I had one this item would be crossed off now.

Today I got to ride along in a stock car at over a 100 hundred miles an hour (my driver said we about a 110). My roommate and her kids got me a Groupon for a 3-lap Ride-Along with the Rusty Wallace Racing Experience for Christmas. It was the San Antonio Speedway which is just south of San Antonio and it's a short track that isn't all fancy like most NASCAR tracks. But dang it was incredible. The Rusty Wallace Racing Experience is going to be at the Texas Motor Speedway in Dallas in November and I'm going to start saving up for that and next time I'm doing the driving in addition to the ride-along. You don't even to need to know how to drive a stick shift: the driver-instructor said I just needed to be able to put the clutch down, shift into third gear, then hit the gas and keep the pedal down on the track. I can do that. :)

First, I drove out to the track on what was a gorgeous day here in San Antonio. I got signed in then walked to the pit lane and got suited up in a real-live racing fire suit then watched some cars race before I got my ride.

 These were the cars used by the people who got the Driving experience. Late model Chevrolet Impalas

 

 

Then I got to get in my ride: car number 07. And I don't know why I only took a photo of the back end but here it is:

 

I just want to say getting into this car is interesting: there are no doors so you climb in through the window and I'm five-four so I thought I'd be okay. I got in slowly (you put your left leg in and extend it all the way to the end of the floorboard then put your right leg in then slide your body through the window opening). There's no cushion on the seat or anything else- the cars are stripped to the bare minimum for weight. The wonderful pit crew guy strapped me in after helping me with the helmet- which is pretty heavy though not too uncomfortable. Then it was a thumbs-up and the driver put the clutch down and shifted into the third. We cruised up to the end of the pit (where the car backfired- which is perfectly normal). Then he hit the gas and we were off.



First turn

 

 

And oh my God! We went right into the first turn and I felt every bit of it. To tell you the truth, I felt the power of the engine in every muscle and nerve in my body. In fact, I think there is still a slight hum in my body from that engine (after I finished my laps I asked the driver-instructor how long that 'hum' would last and he said for about a day- I can live with that:).

Last turn

 

When my driver hit the gas my heart was slammed into gear and I didnt' want the pounding to stop. The car is designed to go fast and handle like a dream. You feel the pull in the corners and feel it open up on the straightaways. We had one lap where we were the only car on the track then we picked up another car and raced him. It is not easy to pass a car on a track and in this case my driver couldn't go right up to the wall for safety reasons. Still, I almost wanted to say 'get the hell out of the way' or do what they do in NASCAR (which is give him a little bump- the car I was riding in looked like it had seem some of this 'action' in the past).

Then it was back to the pit and all over. I got out (which is slide your upper body through the window opening then pull your right leg out then your left leg then slide a little to the ground). And my first thought when getting out of the car was 'can I do that again?' I can see race-car drivers never want to retire and why the guys on Top Gear are still doing their show after ten years on the air. Now I want to ride in stock cars and an Indy car (Mario Andretti has a two-seat Indy car he takes people around in- saw it on Richard Hammond's Crash Course show last season). In addition as I was driving home I was thinking that I want my next car to have some horsepower and maybe some day be able to get behind the wheel of some of the supercars I love so passionately (Ferrari, Aston Martin, Lamborghini, Porsche).

And I don't look near as good as when Danica Patrick does at this :)

 







Today Was a Fat Tire Day

Fat Tire Beer, it's a brand out of Colorado. I read about it in the book 'Skin Deep' by Pamela Clare, specifically in the novella after 'Skin Deep' called 'Marc and Julian Make a Beer Run' (which you can buy in e-book form here)



 

 

First, I started off my day without being able to log on to my computer. There goes seven minutes of my day re-booting the darn machine. Then three voicemail messages I need to answer and accounts to update. Then the calls started.

 

I had three grumpy people gnaw on me because they didn't like what I was telling them. Basically, I sat and listened but being told that I'm basically a greedy idiot in so many words or less is not a way to endear yourself to me. Now of course they didn't know me from a whole in the wall and somebody must have peed in their cornflakes this morning but why call and take it out on some poor customer service rep? It's the nature of the business though so you just learn to take these days as they roll oi. In addition, I forgot to take an allergy pill before I work so I was miserable with a hugely-stuffy head, sore throat, dry cough, and sniffles and sneezes. Needless to say I came out of work with the intention of getting a beer.

 

Because today was an I-need-a-beer-but-can't-afford-a-six-pack day. I was in the HEB store on DeZavala here in San Antonio because my regular HEB is being remodeled and you can't find anything in it (they have nice employees wearing t-shirts with 'Help You?' on them). In this store and at the other one I went to Saturday they have beer by the bottle for sale. I bought this Fat Tire because I'd read about it in a book and thought 'what the heck'.

 

Well, what the heck have I been missing? This is a full-bodied yeasty-smooth ale (it's labeled Amber Ale on the bottle). I like really rich beers so this is perfect for me. And it's a nice end to what was an overall crappy day at work.

How It All Started - I Needed a Job

I got my first call center job simply because I needed a job. I really had no idea what I was getting into or that fourteen years later I'd still be working the phones.

It started in 1999 after a job working in a card store for a wacko-boss who was totally horrible to her kids in front of everyone. There was this place in the town where I lived called Brylane. Again, I had no idea what they did but they were hiring so I went and filled out an application, took a typing test, got interviewed then hired. The job would be for me to take orders over the phone. Simple, right?

For the most part, yes. Except for the people who'd go ballistic when orders didn't arrive, or weren't like what the catalog had pictured, or when stuff went on backorder (which was all the freaking time). The only real benefit to this job was getting 30% off stuff with no additional shipping.

The place was in what was a K-Mart store and they only gutted the building and put in rows of desks, some training rooms and offices. The heating and air-conditioning was never fixed. In fact, there was no real heat in the building at all as the temperature always seemed to be set to meat-locker. I mean, it was so cold that people were wrapped up in blankets and I was glad I got to wear sweats when I worked Saturday mornings. More than once I wanted to ask where they were hanging the meat. The thing was, we were the meat. We were nothing but bodies in desks expected to move merchandise that wasn't in stock.

It was my first taste of how people could be on the phone because some were cool- especially the cross-dressing guys because they had excellent taste, knew their sizes, and to coordinate. And how did I know they were cross-dressers? Size 14 shoes and way too much knowledge for a guy about womens' clothing. To tell you the truth, I could have talked to these guys all day and been very happy. It was the cheapskates that really ticked me off. Oh, and the pervert who used to call and harass the crap out of us (though I put a stop to that when I heard kids in the background as he was being extremely ugly to me- I marched up to the control desk and filled out a form and made sure it got to the powers-that-be. I was told I had steam coming out of my ears that day.) Then there was a bonkers lady by the name of Joyce Scaggs- if I ever write a screaming crazy lady character I'm going to name her after this nutso. She used to call and cuss out whoever was lucky enough to get her. I heard the company eventually tracked her down and turned her in to law enforcement.

The most fun I ever remember having was tossing around these rubber stress balls across the rows on Saturday morning when none of the managers were around. Why anyone would call on a Saturday morning has always been beyond me but hey, I got paid to toss rubber balls around and/or sit on my ass.

But it all went downhill when the company began to squeeze out the full-timers in hopes of getting an all part-time workforce. They should have said no more full time and offered us the option of part-time or the door. Now I was also watching my mother die of cancer and trying to help take care of my grandmother so towards the end I just stopped caring and my performance suffered and yes, I was shown the door.

I got close to two years of call center experience which in turn got me my next call center gig. I also still have a pair of boots and a couple of dresses I bought way back then (though the dresses aren't going to fit much longer). Also, I heard the place closed down a few years ago when call volume slacked off due to people shopping on the Internet (my preferred method of shopping when I don't want to go out).

So what were my lessons from this job: don't take it personally, use a wrist pad for your keyboard to save your wrists, always keep something to drink on your desk, have a pencil to take written notes with (because pens will always run out of ink when you need them the most), and make sure your ass doesn't expand too much (meaning, get up and move even if it's just to the bathroom and back).

How It All Began, or I Was Just Thinking About Getting a Dog

It all started with a phone call on a cold and rainy day in January 2012:

My friend and now-roommate: You remember how you said you were thinking about getting a dog?

Me: Uh, yeah.

Roommate: Do you want a dog?

Me: Uh, what?

It turns out my roommate had found two dogs abandoned on the side of the road out in the middle of nowhere (my roommate was doing home-health at the time and had a patient out that way). My roommate had managed to get the dogs in her van and was on her way back into town with them. After a few more 'uh's' from me I told her to bring the dogs by and we'd brainstorm as to what to do with them.

Well, when she called me to tell me she was in front of my apartment I went outside to see the dogs. And as soon as I saw them I told her she could have warned me. They were beyond cute.

This is the first picture I took:

Darcy is the one on the left. We think the two dogs were siblings as they were about the same size. After much discussion I decided to take Darcy in as her brother was more high-energy than she was. We found a nice family to take him in a couple of days later and Darcy and I were off to the races. I had two weeks solid with her as I was in between jobs and I just want to say I had no idea what to do with her. I'd grown up with cats and had never owned a dog in my life.

And I just want to say I've probably made every mistake in the book with her at one time or another but I'm learning. Right now we're in private training and it's going very well. Each week I get a one-on-one with a trainer so I can tell her what's going on and what I'm doing and in turn get direction. It's been a huge help for me as Darcy has developed some aggression issues mainly relating to establishing territory and being over-protective of me.

She's a collie-Australian Sheppard mix though I'm not entirely certain of that as she is a rescue. Those two breeds are high-energy yet highly-intelligent. Darcy has huge potential and she gets better the more I do the right things with her. She's very sweet and loving and I just want her to be able to focus her energy and intelligence on good behavior.

Darcy's taught me not to give up on her (the day I had to put a muzzle on her was one of the worst of my life, but that's another story for another time) and not to give up on myself. I've never thought of myself as an Alpha personality but with Darcy I'm slowly learning how to be.

Now, my original intent back in January of 2012 was to go to the shelter and liberate some older small dog that would be good for apartment living. Instead I got a 55-pound high-energy dog who would probably do better with a house in the country or with an owner who can take her jogging. Instead, she's got an apartment in the city and an owner who's never going to take up jogging. But she loves me and I love her and together we're making it work.

Sleepy Darcy - not something she does too often

 

Tales of a So-So Life

I'm back on Blogger because WordPress and I do not get along. I've seen some really great blogs lately on Blogger and though I've had my innings with Blogger they've been nothing like WordPress. Plus the concept of Phoenix Lightning is so not me.

I'm not a black-background cool type. I'm a white-background, slightly-klutzy aspiring to be somewhat cool. The goal here is to just get words down and be myself. Or better put, not try to be Goth but not Sweet Valley High either.

About me:

Call center jockey means I work in a humongous call center taking calls for eight hours a day. Right now I handle insurance though in the past I've done directory assistance, banking, talking to old people (short-term gig servicing AARP membership) and catalog sales. The writing is something I've been out of for so long it's not even funny though I've been writing since I could put pen to paper or hands to keyboard. I've got writing ideas galore there and have actually finished things though I've only been published once (my local newspaper published an essay of mine- see the Published Writing Page Here). I like my job most of the time and I know I can go far there if I put my mind to it. But I'm torn because I love to write and would love to be a full-time writer. Yet the chances of full-time writing success are about a million to one. That's not pessimism but reality. I've got bills to pay and debt to get out of not to mention a bucket-load of work to do just to get back on track writing-wise.

This is the document of my journey to get back on track. Writing is like anything else you do in life: if you want to gain any proficiency you've got to put in the work. Fourteen years as a call-center jockey has given me the ability to talk and type at the same time, navigate multiple windows on two computer monitors, and not to mention given me an ability to roll with the good and bad that constitutes a typical day at my job. Putting my butt in the chair and hands on the keyboard is the writing equivalent of gaining proficiency.

The title of the blog is that this is a so-so life: not glamorous or super-interesting. I get up, go to work, walk my dog, eat, sleep, read, and try to write. And as I write that last bit with try I do hear the quote from The Empire Strikes Back from the brilliance of Yoda: There is no try, only do.

So let's do this.