Okay, yesterday I took my dog to the dog park so she run around off-leash. There was a guy there with this dog. At first he was talking on his cell phone so I just played with my Darcy. Then he got off his phone and his dog and mine started playing together. And we talked about our dogs... and that was it. When I suddenly realized that maybe I could talk to him about more than just our dogs I clammed up. Now I didn't want to hit on him or get his number or anything like that. But at least I could have introduced myself and found out something about him.
I confess I haven't really dated or done much socializing, especially with the opposite sex. I can name a hundred reasons and say that 99% are complete bullshit. In reality I'm a tongue-tied, severely-shy social klutz who can't seem to get the hang of most social, human-interactive situations.
The first problem for me is severe shyness. It's a problem I was born with and will likely take to my grave. It's my trouble with being nervous around people, which manifests itself in an inability to make eye contact and stumble over words and what to say and how to say it. For me shyness is a fear of someone not liking me and getting mad at me or teasing me or calling me a complete putz who shouldn't come outside and play at all. And yes I did have some not-so-good childhood experiences that were like this but not in the last few years.
Second problem I have is that in my mind I'm thinking at a hundred miles an hour about what I'm saying or going to say or what I should say and how I should say it and what do I do if someone says this or that... Yeah, you get the picture: I over-analyze. And of course over-analyzing leads to verbal paralysis for me and yesterday happens again and again. I think most people do not do anywhere near the amount of analysis that I do in my head but if I can just get my brain to calm down then maybe I won't suffer the verbal paralysis.
So all the above adds up to me being unable to engage in casual friendly conversation with the opposite sex commonly called flirting. I would love to be able to just relax and engage in a simple conversation with just the goal being to have a simple conversation and not put any pressure on myself. This is really bad with men because I'm so tongue-tied when any guy shows even the slightest interest in me. I guess I'm afraid they'll think I'm a klutz and just not worth the effort. Also, I'm afraid of attracting the wrong kind of guy (the needy or selfish asshole). I honestly don't think I'd settle for an asshole-guy but I know that was a fear I had years ago when the only guys who showed any interest in me had issues with their issues.
Like I've said before Darcy has drawn me out of my shell but right now I think it's just my head poking out a little.
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